My heart and mind seemed to have increased in mass

Feels like I have been recently punched in the gut. Except the feeling doesn’t seem to subside. My stomach is the pit of despair. My heart a wheezing old man near death but trying to defy it with all that he can muster. My mind a closed loop. I hope this feeling/state will dissolve soon. I’d imagine that perhaps thats how all the fish felt like after some otherworldly floating creature accidentally dumped some sort of a sickly black liquid on the surface and blocked out the sun.

How dare she.

Hate dealing with bureaucratic shit mongers. They are

Hate dealing with bureaucratic shit mongers. They are in the business of shit logistics; moving shit from any place in the universe straight to your lap. For an additional cost, your face.  The system is clogged up like the pipes that are supposed to transport crappy ass shit from your momma’s toilet. To protest this we, in theory everyone – In reality the imaginary reader aka no one, must take to streets and shit on the system. For best results preferably near the top of the system. Which I believe generally coorelates to the physical world in terms of floor level and floor space. Some sorta algorithm should describe it. Expensive furniture is now a seat for your bare ass and depending on whether you take laxatives, the resting place for shit.

Its time help bring about the translation of the omnipresent metaphorical shit into actual literal physical shit.

Sit down tree. Why do you keep standing? 

Moon, Sun, stars. Stay. Stay for a moment. 

Stop. Please. Free yourself from your constraints.

Show that its possible. 

Sea. Don’t ripple. Be still as water.

Let the dust settle down. Let it go home. Let it go to the ground. 

Mind calm the fuck down

The 3 ethers of the percieved world

We sense the world in 3 mediums. Through photons, physical movement of molecules and  the chemical makeup of atoms.  (The latter 2 domains seem quite similar but the mechanisms behind the  sensory organs are markedly different. hence the separation.) These 3 domains are seamlessly sensed and interrelated in our minds. 

 

Just a probably unoriginal thought that I wanted to put in words

My mind is up in the trees

Plasticky head of mickey mouse caught in a tree.

Either bass or wind. The air was the instrument. The plastic head the listener. 

Momentarily freed just to be caught again by branches seemingly dead.

Still waiting patiently for spring. Still, waiting.

Can you hear the beat? Can you see the sound? No I cant.

Climb the tree then. Unknowingly shake the tree then. 

Yes, let the balloon float away. Nothing can keep it down.

Nothing can make it fall. Except time. 

Don’t bother waiting. Go home. Let the film outlive the masterful actor

 

(About a mickey mouse balloon caught in a tree in the standing area for a muse concert. It was dislodged slightly by the wind/bass and eventually by people climbing the tree to get a better view of the band.)

I am a pig. And I hate it.

I keep wallowing in the same shit. My past mistakes and failures are gnawing away at my confidence (I keep an anonymous blog for fuck’s sake). I had a conviction back in the olde days of 2012. That I would find myself, build myself a sound philosophical/moral construct that addresses all the important questions and live in there. And live. But laziness and depression go in hand in hand. Get the fuck out of here and find a fucking room (a room to fuck haha).

My life never really had a sense of direction but now, the month, the week and,very recently, the day stopped having any purpose or direction. I don’t have any reason to wake myself up from a slumber. I have so many reasons to. There are so many questions that beckon to be answered, both in the realm of my mind and the physical world, and I really want a girlfriend and experience the airtight companionship (among other reasons). 

Writing was salve to my gaping wounds. I wonder how the world will look like if emotional wounds took physical form. I digress. Alright then, I will stop being a pig. Time to evolve my mind to form an intelligence.

huh wtf are you doing there sun

Ah mornings. In the afternoon. The lack of a smooth transition, from the blanket of blackness during the night to it to the bright ass sun being at one place where the photons reaching the ground is maximised, is quite jarring. By the way, I love you sun. You have been further away and closer to the horizon for a while and its good to have you back.

I wonder what would change if the equal periods of light and dark were to be different . If the night was longer, maybe society would be increasingly contemplative through proliferation of art, drama .etc during the dark hours where most forms of outdoor work is just not practical anymore. The day probably would be treasured and people would try to plan ahead in the night on how to conduct your day. The day might no longer be a reset button like it used to be: a bad, good or a nearly effectless implication?

Maybe I am overplaying the effects of day and night on our lifes especially now in the modern age with miniature suns and displays that are capable of simulating day or night whenever you want and much more than that too. Well nonetheless a shorter day would mean that plants would not get as much nutrition as they otherwise would, it would probably lead to very interesting evolutionary responses.

Enough rambling for one day. gtg bb 

Hahaha I am the mailman providing you with this post addressed to the internet

feli elif eifl leif fiel flei…..

A wonderful gift we should be thankful for or a ship for a doomed adventure? I can’t even answer this question for myself, so I shall not attempt to give an absolute answer. But I doubt that such a thing exists. Maybe its both, kind of like a quantum state. Maybe one’s life will make up its mind and give an answer to the mind, perhaps very near the time of death. After that nothing exists or matters right? I guess I will leave this question till later.

Now for less subjective/pointless questions on life maybe?

Or maybe facts(?). Life is staggeringly beautiful and we don’t even know what it actually is (maybe this makes it that much more beautiful) but of course it doesn’t mean its a wonderful experience for the person experiencing it. (This kind of implies that a person exists when he is not alive, which I guess is in the domain of religions and other thoughts that guess as to what is after and before existence but since I am an atheist who believes that there is an absolute nothing before and after life, I find that the way I use the word ‘person’ amusing.) I hope to try and understand how life/ consciousness is achieved, but I am a lazy ass who hasn’t gotten round to develop my understanding on this matter. No matter, what does it matter if I know what life or consciousness is? Not like its going to matter. Nothing else matters. But I dont want to die and end my life with so many unanswered questions. I guess I am cursed with a symptom of the human condition: curiousity; making any and every question matter. 

To the reader, if he/she exists, I don’t have any useful insight to give on the subject of life. Feel free to provide me with some.